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The plight of a Nigerian job seeker

  • Looking for a job in Nigeria is like looking for water on cocoyam leaves; you virtually can’t get it! Job opportunity is almost non-existent.

    My man, the Nigerian job seeker is here. A government job is his choice. Sure? Good. At least he’s got a choice. But. Sorry. It’s like looking for a horse’s horn. The few available spots are strictly reserved for those who know somebody that knows somebody…that is how the chain goes. The current workers have refused to retire, and when they finally do, they reserve the position for their children—the children, mind you, are still in secondary schools! So, he may need to look elsewhere.

    All hope is not lost though. The private sector brings some glimmer of hope. At least, there are still some credible private organisations seriously recruiting capable candidates. If you have a good degree; you are ‘intelligent’; you can work under serious pressure—like a horse, and above all, you are ready to surrender your freedom absolutely, then you are the perfect candidate.

    Congratulations! My man meets all the requirements, or so he believes…. Until he discovers the company doesn’t recruit, an HR company does that on its behalf. Another gobe! Some, out of no job I believe, create the job of giving jobs to people, the job they also could not get in the first place! They call themselves HR personnel. They have problematized job searching and redesigned it as a very complicated course. Only a few (I emphasise few) can survive it—haven’t you come across their books, How to Land the Dream Job, The Surest Ways to Impress Your Interviewer, etc. The struggle continues, my man braced himself for their ‘attacks’, pays some money for their ‘admission’ forms, reads like a madman and defeats them. Congratulations, once again.

    Mr Job Seeker, congratulations. You have successfully passed our tests. You have landed yourself the big dream job of your life. Below are the details:

    Basic salary- 30,000.00

    Tax- 2000.00

    CSR due- 2000

    Note: the HR company is entitled to 10% of your basic salary as long as you remain a staff in this employment.

    The final blow! My man just got frustrated. Who wouldn’t? So, what do you call that? Professionalised or dignified human trafficking or a fair deal? There is God ooooo! And for those whose CVs are online, they are seriously searching for you. Or haven’t you received that unsolicited message to come for an interview somewhere? No worry, u go get ya own soon.

    ‘Where there is a will, there is a way.’ That is my man’s current favourite saying. He keeps firing on. Now, to the internet. Good, God! There are opportunities here: how to make 300,000.00 in a month, How to Be Your Own Boss. Good! He starts exploring the opportunities. He starts signing up for programs, both paid and unpaid. Day by day, his mail gets filled by the internet lords whose newsletters he has subscribed to. The internet lords—the bloggers—lured him into actualising their own financial interests while they serve him alluring but unrealisable ways of making money—sometimes they even go pornographic, you know, just anything to arrest his attention. After incurring debts to ensure steady online presence waiting for the golden opportunity, his eyes clear, and once again his hope dashed.

    Hey! Mr Job seeker, wouldn’t you be modest enough to consider that teaching job offer they have been begging you with since? You know what? Don’t belittle small beginning!

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