“Eventually, everything connects – people, ideas, objects. The quality of the connections is the key to quality per se.”- Charles Eames
A soft breeze gently caresses the leaves as the sun bathes them in the light of a new day. It’s strange yet beautiful how nature gradually transitions from the shimmering starry night to the brightness of day. The pattern of this change is truly admirable, perhaps just what we humans need.
We, for example, seek comfort from our busy days in the twilight, and it seems that the sun also finds solace in the purple hues of the evening.
As we revive our self-commitments with the moon watching over us, the bright next day’s sun offers another opportunity. So the patterns flow elegantly. Succession of one aspect of nature over the other facilitates perceiving change as the only possibility of truly living life (which, I’m sure you know is way different from just surviving). So, it’s quite natural to aspire for the change of one’s liking.
Changes we sspire for
Having seen such remarkably changing patterns (of nature), deep down our hearts yearn for positive turns when change is inevitable. The aching ball for optimism sinks deeper and deeper.
However, in reality, not every change brings about desired outcomes, and not every change has to.
You, for example, when peeping into your life experiences and jotting down some of your biggest upheavals and regrets after you’ve covered considerable miles for growth, will notice that all along the journey there were some worth knowing lessons that helped to shape your heart in a better possible way.
Thus, the desire to witness positive changes in human behavior persists in our lives, be it for ourselves or for others.
The author Khaled Hosseini writes,
“Everyone is an ocean inside. Every individual walking the street. Everyone is a universe of thoughts, and insights, and feelings. But everyone is crippled in his or her own way by our inability to truly present ourselves to the world.” – Khaled Hosseini
We all are far from our perfect versions. We aren’t able to truly understand and truly facilitate understanding.
The result?
We all are entangled in interpersonal relationship problems.
Striving for the best version of is one of the goals of every living soul, for that reason.
However, oftentimes humans stand a chance to inflict pain –whether intentionally or unintentionally— on others. The pain we experience through our connections ignites a desire for a change in him/her. Perhaps a vigorous change that could soothe the soul wrinkled by the way that person.
The way out
The answer is yes and sometimes the answer is no. Let me put it in order.
• If the person concerned himself/herself practices change in the right direction, the answer is yes.
• Conversely, the answer is no if the person either does not practice change or practices change in the wrong direction.
Let’s view it through an example pertinent to apologies here. My regret for not up to the mark behavior and apology stemming from it, for example, breeds a positive change in my behavior when I accept total responsibility for my actions, my role, and my intentions (in that situation) regardless of what the other concerned persons think, believe, and behave.
It is genuine in the sense that it feeds the line I must not cross the next time (mostly this genuineness (or lack thereof) reflects in formal apologetic utterances and that’s how sometimes forgiveness comes the easy way (or the hard way)). However, if I intertwine some of my regret and apology in another person’s behavior, I add spices of justification, and I knit their reaction in the fabric as well. In that case, my apology will not change my pattern. The result is I would unconsciously continue to believe and behave the way I do. Which is toxic if a change is required in my patterns.
So,
In summary, whether we are seeking change in our own behavior or in someone else’s, simply giving it time will not guarantee the desired change.
When Perfection through Practice Becomes a Myth:
We all have our reasons. But not all the reasons are justifiable. Whether the concern is about your behavior or some other person in your life, giving enough time for change will hardly invite the change.
Sometimes it does, other times things remain the same behind the curtains.
However, even when faced with uncertainty, deliberate choices can provide stability. Therefore, it is not time alone that changes the nature of a connection; it is the conscious (or unconscious) choices we make rooted in how much we truly desire that change to restore our connection with humanity and the Universe.
The message?
Humanity is like a pristine emerald notebook – elegant and vibrant. However, our behavior has the power to leave creases and wrinkles on its pages.
When we genuinely feel remorse for being the cause of these imperfections, we can heal what is broken in our connection with our fellow human beings. On the other hand, if we disregard the intricate problems by placing blame on external factors, the wrinkles deepen, and eventually, the emerald loses its essence, along with the connection to our humanity.
And only by accepting total responsibility a change finds a way from the inside out.
