Have you ever felt the need to settle down for any relationship when you know you are not ready? Well, don’t. The world has never ended because of one’s wish or desire to be alone. Sometimes, you are not ready, and you might not even be aware of it, and that’s why preparing yourself is crucial. Society has a way of making us settle for less than we deserve. They guilt trip us using religion, customs, old age and other twisted reasons. But let me tell you the truth, it’s better to be alone and happy than be with someone who makes you feel lonelier than you have ever been.
There are things that you need to do in your own time and going into relationships is one of them. There are no deadlines for happiness; there is no guarantee that this path you forced yourself into will grant you peace and joy or will work out in the long run.
Relationships are not things you rush into and rushing into relationships is the main reason why many are unhappy. ‘I just want a man’, ‘I am almost thirty’, ‘any male would do’, ‘I want to get married soon because all my friends are married’ ‘I want to get engaged like all those ladies I see on Instagram.’ Just stop these thoughts, okay? It is neither healthy nor fair to you or the person you rushed into a relationship with. At the long run, you will wake up and realise that this is not what you wanted and sometimes the realisation will come too late, and there won’t be a chance to go back and change things.
First of all, just because someone is a good person does not mean that the person is good for you. Some things are only beautiful because they stand alone, and if you try to mix it with something else, you will end up with a recipe for disaster. That’s why you should be careful with the people you get together with; some will bring nothing but toxicity towards you.
Secondly, abusive relationships are not the only form of relationship you need to stay away from. And just because someone doesn’t or would not abuse you does not in any way mean that the person is right for you. Besides, abuse comes in different ways, verbal, physical etc. and these forms of abuse are as bad as physical abuse, and you need to learn the signs so that you can stay away from such people. Some people are toxic to you. If you are in a relationship with someone that always belittles you or your feelings, makes you feel lonely, suffocated or sad, it probably time to walk away.
Learn the difference between someone who loves you, someone infatuated by you, someone who only wants to get into your pants, someone who only likes you because you tick all their boxes and will make the perfect trophy partner and someone who considers you an option. Never settle for anything less than someone who adores and respect you.
You need to remember that relationships are meant to complete you, and unless you are willing to put in as much effort as you will like your partner to put in, you are probably not ready.
And one thing you need to understand about great relationships (because there are no perfect relationships) is that it takes efforts from both sides, it doesn’t have to be 50/50 all the time, sometimes one gives more and the other less and vice versa. You can’t let your partner do all the work, empower yourself, build yourself up. Don’t just wait for prince charming to come on a white horse, get your horse. Be your own prince charming.
Never underestimate the time you spent on yourself, and you shouldn’t do that with the intention of bagging a good partner someday. Do it for yourself, do it because you are a human being worthy of being loved and respected, worthy of all the things you will want to do for your loved ones. You do not only deserve someone to take care of you; you, first of all, deserve to take care of yourself. And unless you know your worth, you will merely be settling for people that don’t either.
Set up your standard (but please, do remember that we are all human; no one is perfect, so set realistic standards) and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about those standards. Don’t let anyone convince you that your standards are too high, and you should lower it to massage someone’s ego. It is not worth it. You alone know what you need and why you need it.
Work on yourself to be better, and even if the fear of remaining single for the rest of your life pushes you to make a bad decision, remember the millions that have made bad choices and jumped into a relationship with the wrong person, there is a lot to learn from the experiences of people around you.
If you constantly remind yourself about what you deserve, you won’t settle. You are amazing and a beautiful piece of humanity, you need someone that can see that in you. Someone who will allow you to be your own person while encouraging you to be the best version of yourself. Someone who will understand you even on days you aren’t sure of who you are. Someone who will treat you as an equal and nothing less than that. Someone who sees you as the human you are and is willing to put effort into your relationship.
Keep your standards, try to be a better person and find your self-worth. If you walk like a queen, your king will come, no headache, no unnecessary heartache. Just a person who will treat you like you deserve and this time you wouldn’t have to beg for it because you have earned it.
Related article: How to quit being so hard on yourself